Mathematical Truth

The amount of time that it takes for a preschooler to get dressed after a swimming lesson is inversely related to the amount of time that the child actually spends in the pool.

Explanation:
If a young child is in a group swim lesson (>2 children), then the child will spend more time out of the water sitting on the side of the pool shivering, splashing water on/being splashed by their classmates, or kicking aimlessly, then they will in the water.

This of course can be explained by the factor of safety which states that only one child should be in the water at a time with the instructor.

What is often forgotten in the equation of swimming lessons (which always sound good at the time of enrollment), is that the larger the class = the larger the congregation in the locker room.

And more kids in the locker room means greater distraction, which leads to longer shower/dressing time. It is a known truth that younger children require a greater degree of parental assistance with the showering/peeling of wet swimsuits. However, the older the child is (and consequently the more competent they should be at dressing themselves), the more self-conscious and/or curious they are about getting dressed in front of others, thereby increasing the time that it takes for them to get dressed by themselves or the greater the distraction at seeing other people getting un/dressed.

Example #1:

Preparation for swim lesson
5 minutes to undress and put clothes in locker and go potty
2 minutes to argue with parent about getting into the shower
1 minute to shower
2 minutes to argue with parent/bribe child at poolside about wearing earplugs
5 minutes to wait for all the kids to arrive before lessons begin
_____
15 minutes

30 minute swim lesson
Each child spends approximately 1-3 minutes in the pool for approximately 5 different intervals (2 min x 5 intervals = approx 10 minutes in the pool per child)

Post swim lesson locker room chaos
2 minutes in the shower
2 minutes to argue with parent about not wanting to get out of the shower
1 minute to peel bathing suit off of shivering body
1 minute to redirect child to stand on towel and not slip on floor
2 minutes to find child's underwear while they are shivering and waiting
4 minutes to get dressed
1 minute to argue about brushing hair
2 minutes to go potty after getting dressed
1 minute to shove all wet items back into gym bag
_____
16 minutes to dress following swim lessons

It must be noted that the above formula is exponential when subjected to >1 child/parent and therefore it will always take exponentially longer when trying to efficiently "instruct" multiple children at the same time.

And lest we forget, all of the above effort is being exerted to that parents will feel better when our children are around water.

Ahhhh, the price we pay for PEACE OF MIND.



The above post is dedicated to my brave and good-humored friend, Erin, who navigates three children through swim lessons, locker rooms, and life. What a good mom you are!