Top Ten Things I learned while visiting the Mid-Atlantic

10. Removing a tick from my child's nether-region was as gross as one would think it would be. For revenge, I created a tick sarcophogous in a poopy diaper. Take that, you nasty invading arachnid.

9. George Stephanopolous is an itty bitty slight of a thing. And his wife is way taller/prettier than I thought she'd be. Washington DC fascinates me in so many ways, and obviously I'm way beneath talking about the Constitution, Supreme Court, or Capitol.

8. No e-mail, voice mail, telephone call or photo gallery can replace the sensation of hugging a far-away friend or holding their child. Again - or for the first time.

7. My nephews were 3 and 5 last week and now they have deep voices, text message girls, and wash their own clothing. How did that happen? Please tell me that time will not pass this quickly as I raise my own children.

6. If you listen to the Backyardigans in a rental car for nearly 700 miles without watching the screen, your husband may comment that they have really good voices. This will reassure you and scare you all at the same time.

5. If one is going to order the garlic and mussels for dinner, along with a side of garlic frites, it is very chivalrous of one's husband to do the same. It also proves that we were made for eachother.

4. Lacrosse is fun to watch but hard to understand. I'm glad they wear padding and have no idea what the rules are and why slapping an opponent in the front is okay but not the back. Confusing to moi. I like to use French when discussing Lacrosse, since my Onondaga dictionary has been misplaced.

3. Dogwoods and cherry trees in bloom are possibly the most beautiful example of Spring and delicacy that I have ever witnessed. Even I-95 and I-64 are pleasurable under their petals.

2. Minced pork and slaw sandwiches with a glass of cold, fresh limeade at Doumar's are the closest thing ever to culinary perfection wrapped in waxed paper and a tooth pick.

1. Nothing in this world is more precious than family and friends. And no matter how long it has been since you've last seen them, or how many fruits have sprung from your loins, you can just fall back into the easy laughter of yesterday or five years ago and be connected again.