Summer 2022: Scene I.

The cast:

Sam, Age 16

Max, Age 18

MonkeyMama, older than dirt

___________________________________________
SAM: Hey, Mom, can I borrow the keys to your convertible?

ME: No, you may not.

SAM: C'mon. Please. Remember when I didn't say please and I just banged my hand on my chest and looked like a spastic ape performing that modified sign language stuff that you tried to teach us? I'm asking nice now that I'm 16 and can grow facial hair. Please can I have the keys?

ME: No, you may not. But thanks for asking. That's nice manners. Remember when I used to acknowledge the times when you and your brother used manners? I don't need to do that anymore. But I do need to remind you to do your homework. Did you do your homework?

SAM: Look, Mom! A firetruck! Hahhahaahaaa. That one gets you every time. We learned that page right out of your playbook. Now it's coming back to bite you. Speaking of bites, I wanna go grab one. Can I borrow your car?

ME: No, you may not borrow my car. You may, however, have the keys to the rennievan if you promise to check in every 30 minutes and let me know that you're ok.

SAM: Awwwwww! Mom, that thing's like a zillion years old. Besides, it's kind of embarrassing to drive around in it after Dad tagged his phone number on the back so that people could call and complain about our driving. Pleeeeaaaaase can I drive your car?

ME: No. That's my final answer. Where is your brother? Maybe he can give you a ride.

SAM: Oh. My. God. Mom, you're joking right? It's bad enough that I'm known as the younger brother to the Maxcavator, the dude completely obsessed with tractors, but come on. I am not going to drive around looking like a cast member of Green Acres. Can't you make him get rid of that John Deere tractor? I think the girls get a little freaked out when he pulls into their driveways with it. Remember how that one dad drove him off the road and told him not to come back until he had a Kubota?

ME: Sam, you and your brother just need to work this out (Ding: 10 millionth time that phrase has been uttered!). Here he comes now.

MAX: Yo. Hey bro. What do you think of my soul patch and side burns? Kinda retro, huh? Hey, wanna go play drums with me in the garage? I just bought some EXTRA LOUD cymbals and snares. I think they sound great. Hey, are you humry? I just ate like 10 minutes ago, but I'm staaaarving now. Mom, can we borrow your keys?

ME: The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Fade to black and white.